The Reality of Problems and Pain
The central tenet is that life is difficult, and that the road to spiritual enlightenment and fulfillment is long. There aren’t any quick fixes regarding spiritual growth and self-awareness.
What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one. The first stage of the journey along the road less traveled is genuinely accepting that life is complicated. Once we can reconcile that life isn’t easy, and isn’t supposed to be easy, then we will be able to cope with obstacles a lot more effectively.
We need to embrace life’s difficulties and take responsibility for all of our problems and hardships. It is the whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. It’s discipline which helps us deal with various problems and pains.
The Four Tools of Discipline
Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.
1. Delaying Gratification
The cornerstone of mental health: “Finish the hardest part first.”
Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only decent way to live.
The capacity for delayed gratification develops through proper parenting. The most critical factor is time—the time and quality that parents devote to their children indicates the degree to which they are valued. When we love something, it is of value to us, and when something is of value to us, we spend time with it.
Children who experience consistent parental love develop:
- A deep sense of self-worth
- Internal security and trust in the world
- The foundation for self-discipline
Self-discipline is self-caring. If we feel ourselves valuable, then we will feel our time to be valuable, and if we feel our time to be valuable, then we will want to use it well.
2. Acceptance of Responsibility
“This is my problem and it’s up to me to solve it.”
The issue of responsibility lies at the heart of most psychological disorders. People generally fall into two categories:
- Neurotic individuals: Assume too much responsibility for problems that aren’t truly theirs
- Character-disordered individuals: Assume too little responsibility for their own problems
The problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not responsible for is one of the greatest challenges of human existence. It requires continuous assessment and reassessment throughout our lives, demanding the willingness and capacity to suffer continual self-examination.
3. Dedication to Truth
Our worldview as a map that must constantly evolve
Our view of reality is like a map with which we negotiate the terrain of life. We are not born with maps—we have to make them, and the making requires effort. The more effort we make to appreciate and perceive reality, the larger and more accurate our maps will be.
The biggest problem of map-making is that we have to continually revise them. The world itself is constantly changing.
When confronted with new information that suggests our worldview is wrong and our map needs to be largely redrawn, many people find the required effort too painful. Rather than revise their maps, they may try to destroy the new reality, often expending more energy defending an outdated view than would have been required to update it.
4. Balancing
The discipline that gives us flexibility
Extraordinary flexibility is required for successful living in all spheres of activity. To be free people, we must assume total responsibility for ourselves while possessing the capacity to reject responsibility that is not truly ours. To live wisely, we must delay gratification and keep an eye on the future, yet to live joyously, we must also possess the capacity to live in the present and act spontaneously when appropriate.
These four tools of discipline form the foundation of Peck’s approach to personal growth. They represent not just theoretical concepts, but practical skills that can be developed and refined throughout our lives. The beauty of these tools lies not in their complexity, but in their fundamental simplicity and universal applicability. As Peck reminds us, the problem lies not in understanding these tools, but in developing the will to use them consistently in our daily lives.